Back In Print

I still have sex. Just not for money.

In fact, I’ve had a great deal of sex this past month. So much that I briefly considered naming this--my follow up blog, my sequel--Lost In Fuck, thanks to an indescribably apropos remark from a very random lover.

And what I realized while I was coming home, worked over and worked in, my body a haven of figurative track marks, half-moon divots and hickeys, that whatever I had been up to as a prostitute, and all those explorations that led me into climates distant as well as personal, rooms so little and far away; places so strange and extrasolar: that I hadn’t left any of it behind. I am basically still a hooker, just not a working one; and in some real sense, I’ve sucked the mystery right out of sex. With my choices. My choices, I think,  could pull an engine through a tailpipe.

I’ve been fundamentally altered. For good or for ill.

And there’s no one else I can tell about this.

What have I been up to?

Rediscovering a private life that includes no one but myself has been an adventure. Going back to school and *cough* working have been another. I’ve been desperately trying to hold onto that pioneering spirit and sense of self what allowed me to take up prostitution out in the more regular world, but it’s been terribly terribly hard. Minutiae drags. And the world is designed to involve you in its petty mechanisms. I mean, public transit? Public fucking transit?!?! Just fuck off.

I live alone again. I have an apartment solitary and sacrosanct, stocked with alcohol and books. Well, the alcohol doesn’t stay around for long, but the books, the books are here to stay. Lately, I’ve decided to tackle all of Salman Rushdie and Clive Barker.

If I hadn’t been writing while I was Working, I don’t know that I would have assimilated sex-work so well into my psychogenic cosmology; but, if I hadn’t had readers, I’m not sure I would have come out in the end nearly so well at all. It’s the privacy that drives you crazy; the compartmentalization, and the loss of perspective. My past has become fractured: there is what happened, and what can be disseminated, apart and alone, in those rooms; and never the twain shall meet. Now that I am back among friends, OLD friends, I’ve realized that the fracture I engineered, the first time I decided to take sex for money, that that’s not something you just place behind you: here it is, running right down the middle of me, along with nearly every story I have to tell about my time away. Just as our society is not assimilated, nor am I. Taboo precludes compos mentis, as they say. Well, as I say.

Welcome to the new blog, by the by. Thanks for joining me here. Although my old one had a much clearer purpose, this one… this one might turn out to be quite interesting.

And may we all live in interesting times.

Comments

[the bagel of everything]

I MISSED YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!!!

[the bagel of everything]

The ladies of ЯR have decided that it would be in your best interests to show us your bod.

[Mi bichito]

Bagel, you didn't miss much. Seems as if this candy is on the fast track. Wanna go for a ride?
*cough* *cough*

[Mi bichito]

Bod, no one said anything about a bod. This cat thinks 'he' has one? Hmmm. Does he like penutbutter?

[Lol Heathen]

I fully support the ladies of ЯR in their endeavor to show your bod. Really, you should just get in. Bagel gets mean when she doesn't get want she wants.

[mich the stick]

Thats all just fine and dandy.
In order for anyone to really get an insight and some perspective on the situation we need the full spectrum of commuinication. We have your feelings and a little story to relate some persona element.
But we need to see what yer ass looks like in order to give this post its due and full impact

[mich the stick]

Lets put it this way.
I'm 50 years old now. but when I was between the ages of 17 and 25 I did a lot of nude photo shoots for mens magazines. I'm not gay and that really has not much to do with it other than to put some perspective on what I'm saying.
The business involved a lot of unwanted pressures and uncomfortable situations. In a sense I was whoring myself also. But I made the sacrifices I made because it was good and easy money.
If I were to write a story trying to relate to everyone how it was it would only give it completion if I threw in a couple of pictures.
Simply said , alot of people would want to know what the fuss is all about.
Be a sport. Put a cherry on this bitch

[Kevin]

Cock or gtfo. Bagel's been harrassing me to get you to show her your nude pix, please comply for the sake of my sanity.

Also, how much for the blonde?

[keywork.]

yeah, Note, you could be next month's pin-up. Never know. There again, she may just put the pictures up on her wall and make really strange noises while masturbating to them. It's Bagel, y'know?

[LA Retail Slut]

Great first post! Love it. Us boys want to see your bod too! C'mon show us!

[the bagel of everything]

Welcome back, my darling Note.

[SEO Hack]

so, you gonna' get naked or what?

[Mi bichito]

Still waiting! Come out come out where ever you are! Pics o you time!!! Don't make these women beg. OK, I think we may, lil bit, a lot.

Mi bichito

[Meshugener]

Welcome back.
You inspired me to start my own blog. I understand the need for exploration - sometimes it feels like talking to the air but much more productive than talking to yourself!

[the bagel of everything]

Me too, Meshugener.

Something tells me Note will be more pleased with your results than mine. The first child is always the bad one.

No, wait...that's waffles.

Note: Now I want nudity and waffles. With peanut butter on them. You best get your sweet bum online before my demands grow.

[badinfluencegirl]

um wow. you guys are um... interesting.

i was just going to tell you that weaveworld is a lovely book and that you might like the black jewels trilogy by anne bishop.

welcome back though i did not know you before. debauchette speaks highly of you though :)